Life certainly serves up its share of struggles. That’s inevitable, particularly in the midst of a worldwide pandemic. Those of us who are parents do our best to shield our children from life’s bumps and bruises, especially the significant, traumatic ones. Yet, no matter our noble efforts, children sometimes labor quietly with their internal anguish. Fourteen-year-old Alice McGuigan shares her wise insights about what it takes to cope with true adversity.
Alice McGuigan is a student at the Moses Brown School in Providence and lives with her family in Wakefield, Rhode Island.
I’m fine. It’s something I say often and growing up I think I felt that I was just supposed to say it. Like you should just go through life ignoring the things that make you upset, and if it’s too hard to ignore, hide it. It’s not like I was brought up to think that way, although my parents did both have that experience growing up, but that’s just how I thought.
The experience that taught me this was my dad’s crisis. My dad has struggled with depression and alcoholism for his whole life, and my sister and I were mostly unaware of that until a few years ago. My dad was going through a rough time, and he cracked. He’d been sober for over eight years, but stress and work became just too much. My mom, sister and I were arriving home after Mother’s Day celebration, and my dad had unfortunately had a lot to drink to cope with his depression. It was hectic. I was freaking out. My mom, however, handled the situation so well, reassuring us even when she wasn’t sure it was going to be ok, and taking care of my dad at the same time.
My mom had managed my dad’s alcoholism and depression by herself my whole life, and this experience helped her realize that she can’t be okay for everyone all the time. She confided in me that she couldn’t care for him anymore. As a kid, you never think about your mom or dad going through something like that, especially if you were shielded from it like me.
After that event, I found myself struggling to stay strong under the pressure that I’d put on myself to “be okay”. I wasn’t. But, I’ve always been able to talk with my mom about everything, and this really solidified our relationship. My mom was there to carry me through this, and we are thankful that my dad is doing better. I know it’s impossible for us to be happy 24/7, but when we are taught that being happy is best, it puts pressure on us to hide our emotions. I’d begun to feel the deep truth that I carry with me today, but my mom actually put it into words for me. I believe that it’s ok to not be ok.
