Life is filled with all manner of challenges — some small, some medium, and then there are the ones we don’t like to think about. We do our best to cope, of course, with varying degrees of success. T.S. Eliot said, “If you aren’t in over your head, how do you know how tall you are?” Let’s listen to D’Ellen Roye’s insights about keeping pace when life puts us to the test.
D’Ellen Roye moved to Rhode Island in 1979. She is an English teacher at North Kingstown High School.
In reflecting on this very challenging year and a half, I believe that being joyful is essential to surviving such times. Let me explain.
My grandmother, Ruby, and her sister, Pearl, lost their mother during the 1918 flu pandemic. Their father buried their mother and headed from West Virginia to the coal mines of Southern Illinois. Both girls left school in the 8th grade and were married by the age of 14. Two of Ruby’s children and her husband were killed in separate, tragic accidents. During the Great Depression, Pearl was forced to place her two children for adoption because she was too sick to care for them. She never saw them again.
But are their tragedies and struggles all I remember about Ruby and Pearl? Not by a long shot.
Pearl owned a bar in East St. Louis and was a ton of fun. My grandma loved board games and telling dirty jokes. They would spend hours telling us stories about their difficult lives but, for every tear they shed, they balanced it with thigh-slapping laughter.
Now, as an adult with my own struggles and tragedies, I truly understand what Ruby and Pearl knew all those years ago: Life is hard, but being joyful is essential to surviving the worst of times.
A few years ago, while I was going through some very tough times, I saw a circus tent set up in a parking lot and it was for sale. Well, what else could I do but buy it. How often do you get the chance to own a circus tent – even a small one?
As I drove home, I realized that for the first time in a while I had hope and joy in my life.
The next day, my sons came over and, as I excitedly described my vision of circus tent fun, they broke the news that my tent was nearly as big as my entire backyard. It would probably require a team of carnival workers and perhaps an elephant to help set it up.
As the absurdity of the situation became apparent, my boys and I started to laugh — thigh-slapping laughter.
By the end of it all, we managed to get one corner set up, where I sat that night working through my problems with a less heavy heart and a renewed purpose.
So, what is my point? Simply this: embrace life with all its complexities and find joy where you can; create it if you have to.
